It took me a while to figure out that domestic violence goes fare beyond the physical abuse. Although, I did grow up a victim of domestic violence in that my mom beat me every chance (at least that’s how it felt) she got. But where I grow up, you don’t report that because that’s your parent bringing correction. However, at some point it can become obsessive.
Recently, I sat down and talked with my mother in regards to my feels about how she raised me and I had to come to grips that my mom what did the best she know how to raise a young man. She was the youngest surviving child of seven with two brothers. Her younger brother passed at birth. She didn’t have that training of raising males prior to having me. She counted on my father to be their through those pivotal years to show me the way. When they split, I’m sure she about lost her mind not knowing what to do.
In our discussion, you apologized and wished that she could get those years back. I know, doesn’t all abusers say that. And I know that many of the abusers that say that really don’t mean it. But my mom has saw what the damage that she has done to me has cost me over the years. I’m going to be a bit transparent here. Because my mom hurt me the way that she did, I have had a really hard time trusting women over the years. And every woman that I though that I could give my heart to ended up abusing me even more.
This being national domestic violence month, I looked into the meaning of domestic violence and found that I have allowed myself to continue to be a victim. Just because my past mates haven’t put their hands on me or resulted to other forms of violence doesn’t mean that the treatment that they’ve given me is okay.
Making a person feel guilty for hanging out with family and friends or having control over their schedule can be just as detrimental as a blow to the face. Controlling the household finances or limited a spouse or loved one to an allowance of which you set the amount and how often they receive it is just the same as pushed them into a wall or dishing out a black eye. Forcing sex on your mate or even withholding it, forcing sexual immorality brings about emotional effects that can be worse then leaving a child in the wilderness to fend for himself. Even the way you talk to someone, bring unwarranted embarrassment, and stalking its all the same.
I had to stand up and declare that I will no longer be a victim of domestic violence in any form. Some may say I have just moved being someone else’s victim to being my own because I still have not allowed myself to date. Maybe so. But I’m free! I don’t have to deal with the issues that I was forced to deal with then and I will not let anyone make me feel bad about it. If God is for me who can be against me.
You have the empowerment to be victorious today as well.