My mother always told my sisters and i that whatever happens in her house stays in her house. That is a common theme thought the African American community especially in middle and low income areas. But this line of thinking has created a community of adults that now suffer from trust issues, their emotions are all over the place, and they don’t know how to let go of situations that scared them some 15 – 20 years ago.
This notion that not talking about problems will make them go away is a mind set that needs to be abolished. Holding in all that hurt and pain only creates more problems down the line and we wonder why so many people are laid up with ulcers and tumors, high blood pressure and cancer and no idea where that mess came from. These people have hurts and pains that they haven’t been able to let go of because society has told them what happens in my house, stay’s in my house. But we look at people who speak there mind and confront others about their issues as being mean and hateful. No, baby! If I didn’t love you, I would let you live in your mess. But because I love me more, I’m going to get this off my chest while I can.
In 2008, I went through what was the worst year of my life. I lost my wife (to divorce), family and friends turned there backs on me. It was then that I learned about all the hurt that was living in me. Just before 2009 rolled in, I made a declaration over my life to not deal with drama from anybody else. My friend Richard said it best the other day in a facebook status: “I am responsible for how I feel, I am responsible for how I allow others to make me feel. I can choose to be affected. I dont have to allow any feelings to settle that I dont want there, if there is a feeling that I dont want, its my fault because I am in control of how I feel. #takingresponsibility”
In taking responsibility for how I felt, I decided not to remain silent anymore. If there is a problem between us, I will address it. If I feel that could not accept what I have to say and take responsibility for your part, then you can’t except me to continue to deal with you on that level. There are no hard feeling but I can’t allow you to hurt me anymore.
These are my personal thoughts!